SHY GUY
Iam a very shy person. I might even say, painfully shy. Meeting people, even if it is only a few, makes me very uncomfortable. If you put me in a room with another shy soul, the conversation stumbles and fumbles and fizzles until the awkward uncomfortablity makes the room vibrate.
I have always had a problem talking to new people. Talking to a group of people was something I would never have thought possible. I was so shy that I even refused to go to my high school graduation because I couldn't bring myself to walk across the stage in front of so many people.
I remember when I first started to go to a Bible Study as a new Christian. I really didn't learn very much because I was always worrying about when I would have to read next. With each verse my turn was one step closer. Then, when my turn came, my voice would shake, my palms would sweat, and I would stumble over the easiest words simply because I was sooooo nervous.
Well, given my fears in this area of my life, it strikes me as funny that God has called me into the ministry. Every week I talk in front of people. And, every week I am still nervous. But, the reason I felt I could go into the ministry, even though I knew it would constantly be a battle for me, is because of a lesson I learned very early on in my walk with God.
Among the Christian Churches/Church of Christ In Ontario, there was a conference among the congregations at Easter time. The first year I was at Ontario Christian Seminary, a friend of mine, was in charge of finding the worship leaders, and she asked me to lead one session. I couldn't believe it! I had only been in school a few months, and part time at that! I had been a Christian less than a year. I had never led a worship service, never stood up in front of fifty people, let alone hundreds, never read scripture in public, and never prayed in public. Now, someone was asking me to do all these things in one shot! My immediate response was: "No. I can't do it, I'm not able to do it, I just don't have what it takes to do that kind of thing." But Eden wouldn't give up. She kept after me, and kept after me, in a quiet, encouraging, and very deliberate way, until I finally said “yes) — against my better judgement I might add.
I was scheduled to lead the Good Friday morning session. The speaker that year was Lewis Foster, one of the Greatest scholars in the Church of Christ. He is the one responsible for the translation of Luke in the New International Version of the Bible. He was also on the committee that revised the King James version into the New King James. And, here I was in charge of the service and introducing him. I was terrified that I was going to mess something up.
Now, if you ask me how things went that morning, I really can't tell you, and to be honest, it really doesn't matter. What does matter is that I led it — period! I got up hours before the service, shaking and quaking. I was so nervous that I literally thought I was going to die! But I got on my knees and said to God: "For some reason You have put me in this position today. I am terrified, and I can't do this on my own, so if You want me to lead the service, it has to be You that does it through me. If I am left to my own abilities, I will make a fool out of myself, and all I really want to do is bring glory to You. But I can't unless You do it through me. It's in your hands".
With that prayer left at the feet of the Lord, I crawled to the meeting area to either fall or fly. To my utter amazement, as soon as I got up to lead the service my fear left, and I got through it. But, it was only because I trusted God and He carried me through. Ever since then, when I have been faced with things I know I can't do on my own, I leave it with God and seek His strength. Sometimes I even put myself in positions that will challenge my fears, so that I will continue to feel the strength and support of my Lord who makes the impossible, possible!
After all, isn't that what Christian faith is all about? The greatest servants of God, are not necessarily the most talented. There are plenty of gifted speakers, and singers, and leaders who impress people with their abilities, but at the same time, they don't use their abilities to bring glory to God. God is not in their efforts. God takes the weak and confounds the strong. He takes the foolish and confounds the wise. The greatest assets to the Kingdom of God are those people who know they can't do anything outside of God's strength and power.
Moses thought he couldn't be a spokesmen for God's people. Gideon felt that he couldn't lead God's people to victory. Peter felt like he wasn't even worthy to follow the Lord! Paul felt inadequate as a speaker. All were weak and insecure regarding their abilities to do what God had called them to do. However, they trusted God and He transformed their weakness into His strength. Remember what the Lord told Paul? "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
What is the weakness God has been asking you to deal with? What fear, what pain, what problem is there that you just can't overcome? What is the service, the ministry, God is calling you to preform, but you don't because you think you can't?! Whatever it is, God can and will use you for His Glory-- if you let Him. He wants to take your weakness and make it His strength. Why don't you take that step of faith and see God work a miracle through your fear?
Prayer
Lord, I pray that you will help us all learn the lesson of Paul when he said, "I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Corinthians 12:9) Help us overcome our weaknesses, our fears, our sinfulness by placing our complete trust in You! Help us to be risky, to take chances in our faith so that Your power and glory will be clearly displayed! Lord, help us go forward, when everything inside us is telling us to go back! Amen!
