Welcome to the first edition of the Heavenly Top Ten for 1999! The New Year is here. And, along with New Year's comes resolutions, right? Now, I don't know about you, but for me, the only thing more annoying than making resolutions is being asked what resolution I've made. Well, I feel good about myself this year, because I've resolved to give you yet another reason to hate, fear, and shun this sad excuse for a holiday. Please join me as we explore the:
“Top Ten Resolutions You Really Didn't Want To Hear!”
- FROM YOUR PREACHER — "This year I resolve to preach verse by verse through Leviticus!"
- FROM YOUR DENTIST — "This year I resolve to finally overcome my aversion to washing my hands!"
- FROM YOUR MAILMAN — "This year I resolve to stop collecting restricted weapons!"
- FROM YOUR DOCTOR — "This year I resolve to remove the video camera from my examination room."
- FROM YOUR MECHANIC — "This year I resolve to stop installing defective parts just to make a buck!"
- FROM YOUR FOUR-YEAR OLD — "This year I resolve to memorize every Teletubby episode so I can tell you about them over and over and over again!"
- FROM YOUR TEEN — "This year I resolve to push the envelope on the often misunderstood art of body piercing!"
- FROM THE CHURCH TREASURER — "This year I resolve to finally finish paying for that condo on the French Riviera no matter what it takes!"
- FROM YOUR NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR — "This year I resolve to pursue my life long dream of beekeeping!"
- And the number one resolution you
really didn't what to hear is: - FROM JESUS — "This year I resolve, like all the years before, to patiently wait for you to place me first in your life!"
The Heavenly Top Ten is intended to be a fun look at
issues of faith and fellowship. It should not be considered a serious treatment
of
any of the topics presented.